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Aap, Baap & Paap

by Grumblebee
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How often have we said this? The mood at 10, Warpath was somber and grim. Madam G’s countenance was icy as ever, but her eyes breathed brimstone and fire.

“Men!” she thundered. “After this, I will never address you as gentlemen.”

“You know that I want you all to bungle big time and I reward you all every time you bungle,” she continued. “But for God’s sake, when did I ask you to bungle so big that our existence is threatened and that Marauder Moody takes over our estate? He has already taken over 4 of our regions, thanks to your bungling gone overboard.”

“Ashok Payload!” she addressed the vanquished one from Rajasthan. “Thanks to you, Rajasthan is now a Ranisthan. Why did you crash so badly?”

“Madamji!” Payload replied. “I am payload, not a pilot. There was a pilot amongst us who could have helped me soar. But he manoeuvred our aircraft into a tailspin that made me crash-land. His non cooperation is the last straw that broke the back of all camels in my desert land which finally deserted me.”

“Excuses! Exsuses!” Madam G hissed under her breath. “Ajit Rogi! What have you to say for yourself?”

“Madam! You know I am a rogi on a wheelchair. True, I told people of Battisgarh that I would break the battisi of that Ravan Singh. But your son Rollback Aandhi visited here and people broke my battisi.”

“Horrendous people! Have you all forgotten to take flak when it comes, but pass on credit to me when and if it comes? Not that any comes nowadays. OK! Let’s see what Mad-row Rescinder has to explain about his sorry performance.” Madam G continued with some F&B (not food & beverages: fire & brimstone)

“Ma’am!” Mad-row Rescinder was a cool dude who could say ma’am and not Madam. “Ma’am! I was about to vanquish Save-raj Chouhan. Nobody would have saved him. But our very own Dig-my-grave Singh undid my efforts. He pressed CTRL-ALT-DEL while Save-raj clicked on save.”

“Madam, Madam, Madam!” Dig-my-grave interjected. “10 years ago, I was the Raja here and they made me take sanyas. And they made this sanyaasin Amma Bore-thi, the Raja. So what is wrong if this Raja Rescinder also takes sanyaas? Raja bana sanyasi and sanyasin bani Raja.”

“Enough all of you. Excuses! Excuses! Don’t you know that excuses are the privilege only I and Rollback can avail of? Whatever happened to good old fashioned sycophancy you all were notorious for? Anyway, let me now turn to Sheila-in-Deepshit. Her trespass is unpardonable. So close to my own backyard.” Madam G continued.

“Sheila! Delhi” Madam G said while turning towards Sheila.

“Pardon me Ma’am” Sheila quizzed.

“I said. Delhi”.

“I didn’t get it” Sheila replied in confusion.

“Precisely! That’s what I meant. You didn’t get Delhi. Why? What is the reason?” Madam G thundered in a rare display of sarcasm.

“Reason is AAP” Sheila replied in defiance.

“Are you blaming me?” Madam G thundered and her F&B level rose by a few notches.

“No, no… don’t get me wrong. I am talking about the mango people who call themselves AAP. AAP got 28 seats, BAAP got 32, and we at PAAP got just 8.”

“No, no… don’t get me wrong. I am talking about the mango people who call themselves AAP. AAP got 28 seats, BAAP got 32, and we at PAAP got just 8.”

“Where has our PAAP gone wrong? Can’t we indulge in simple cardinal sins properly anymore?” Madam G wondered.

“Ma’am!” the lawyer’s assistant Abhi-shook Sting-me chimed in. “Did you mean cardinal sins? I thought you meant carnal sins and that’s why I indulged in some. In fact, if these undersized BAAP guys can expand from 32 to 36, I would… ”

“Shut up Sting-me! Enough of your carnal misdeeds which did me in. By the way, who are these mango people and who let them into our estate?” Madam G wondered.

“Madam!” Dig-my-grave answered. “Ever since you told us that Fundamatics guys love the environment, I let the swamps and marshes grow unabated in our estate. But when the marsh started sprouting too many lotuses, I called some jhadoo-walas to come and clean up the lotuses. How would I know that these rascals would invade our estate in droves and clean us up while leaving the lotuses untouched?”

“And you know what ma’am?” Jonti Natak-rajan piped in. “Delhi has become totally unsafe for women like us. See what they did to Sheila and her jawani! God knows what they’ll do to you and me after this. Not only that, this AAP outfit is headed by a guy called All-wind Jhaduwal. His cronies are plucking mangoes from our orchards and waving jhadoos and singing tera jhadoo chal gaya…  I think they are breakaways from the pop band called ANNA.”

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“Not only that,” Uphill Cymbal spoke up finally. “These AAP and BAAP guys are a funny lot. Till now, we would all fight to form the government. But these guys are now fighting to NOT form the government. How strange!”

Madam G’s face turned quizzical at this revelation and then broke into a smile, followed by a raucous laughter. The entire cabaret looked at her in anticipation and begged to know the cause of her elation.

“This is good news gentlemen.” She now acknowledged that they were gentlemen even as Abhi-shook Sting-me listened with suspicion. “The solution is simple. Next elections, we shall let Marauder Moody and All-wind Jhaduwal fight over NOT forming the government. Let them both win. That way, we may be able to keep our estate and bungle some more.”

“But what if people ask us to support AAP, since Rollback has also praised them?” P Chillum Humdrum wanted to know.

“Answer is simple!” madam G replied. We will tell people, “Hum AAP ke hain kaun? And BAAP is kunwara. PAAP zindabad.”



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