The mood at 10, Warpath was somber and grim. A strategy session had been called, entertainment had been arranged to uplift the mood and a sumptuous meal was served by the accomplished Planner – One Trick Sing-Dana Aloowalla. With a stern and angry look, Madam G turned to Jethro Tull and asked him to start the session with the Bungle anthem, while the rest stood in attention in starched designer khadi kurtas designed by Rohit Bahl. Ian Anderson belted these lines from his hit song……..
Walking through forests of palm tree apartments —
scoff at the monkeys who live in their dark tents
down by the waterhole — drunk every Friday —
eating their nuts — saving their raisins for Sunday.
Lions and tigers who wait in the shadows —
they’re fast but they’re lazy, and sleep in green meadows.
Let’s bungle in the jungle — well, that’s all right by me.
I’m a tiger when I want love,
but I’m a snake if we disagree.
“But all your bunglings end with G and that is bothersome to me.” “Just look at them- with names like 2G, CWG and so on. Even Uphill Cymbal bungling with JEE sounds like G.” She then pressed her remote and COE started nodding his head vigorously.
No sooner had he sung the first verse, Madam G raising her hand, shushed Jethro Tull into silence and announced, “Gentlemen! I have called all of you here to discuss a very serious matter. “All of you are top class bunglers”, she continued, “But all your bunglings end with G and that is bothersome to me.” “Just look at them- with names like 2G, CWG and so on. Even Uphill Cymbal bungling with JEE sounds like G.” She then pressed her remote and COE started nodding his head vigorously.
“But Ma’am”, Uphill Cymbal piped in, “May I respectfully submit that we all wish to attribute these signature achievements under the trademark G and, in doing so, develop a strong Brand Identity. In fact we want to take this Brand international. Next stop is Rome. That is why as Telephone Operator I have done away with all Roaming charges.” “Yes, yes, Madam G,” quipped P Chillum Humdrum, “when in Rome we will do as the Romans do”.
Madam G was not amused with this remark. “Do you realize”, she shot back, “That if we chalo Rome, those horrible guys from the outside will take over our estate? As it is, that guy with the saffron T-shirt and khakhi shorts…what’s his name…Marauder Moody…is constantly attempting a hostile takeover of our estate. We should not be caught with our khadi chaadis down. We must be on the alert to thwart his attempts.”
CFO P Chillum Humdrum spoke up. “Ma’am, there is nothing to worry about! Whenever this Moody tries to gather the required proxies, there are many of his own kinsmen who fight him. That Lukkha Thadani has already scuttled his attempts twice ever since his own hostile take over charge fell with a thud, a few years ago. And these other blokes…Overrun Jetlag and Suzy sore-as…oops, I mean Suzy Swear-aaj would rather fight Moody than fight us. So let us continue to pull more G-strings. Even the CAGe men, who check on us, like our G brand.”
“Gentlemen, I sometimes wonder why I call you gentlemen! Why don’t you get it? I do not want any more bungling with the G brand. We must launch a new series. Even the Bees at Fundamatics will loose interest if we don’t do something different.”
The little known SP Justwell jumped in. “Ma’am! I have a brilliant idea for some new bungles and foibles that can be marketed under a new brand name – The Coalgate brand.”
“That’s silly! “, Prefab Musterjee countered. “Colgate is an old brand. Now that I have moved to the Rasta Potty Bhavan, I will issue a Rasta Potty order to use only Pepsodent.”
“No! No! You misunderstand me Rasta Potty ji…oops, this ends with another G…what I meant was Coalgate, like in Koila and not Colgate like the toothpaste. Do you remember that in early days, people used coal as toothpaste?“Justwell replied. “Anyway, I think your suggestion to switch to Pepsodent is a good idea. Also instead of Coke we should all drink Pepsi.”
Jethro started humming “Old King Coal, gave away merry old dole!”
“Aw! Shut up you! Save your energy for the bungle anthem at close. Keep your wisecracks to yourself.” Madam G growled.
Uphill Cymbal remarked, “Hmmm! Justwell’s idea sounds good. With Coalgate, all of us can cover ourselves in soot and no one will be able to recognize us. The khakhi chaddis also have a Coalgate lite version in their portfolio and they cannot rake us over coals for this. And isn’t our estate a bed of hot coals? Best of all, with coal, we can bring in such a huge haul that the numbers will have lots of zeroes at the end. Some 12-13 of them and we can again declare this to be another zero loss venture.”
Do you realize”, she shot back, “That if we chalo Rome, those horrible guys from the outside will take over our estate? As it is, that guy with the saffron T-shirt and khakhi shorts…what’s his name…Marauder Moody…is constantly attempting a hostile takeover of our estate. We should not be caught with our khadi chaadis down. We must be on the alert to thwart his attempts.”
“I must confess that this idea ignites my mind. Very creative and best of all keeps the G in the clear. I think we can all disperse with a resolve to outdo all our past bungles and take up Coalgate in real earnest. After all, coal has the same colour as our money.” She clicked the remote and the COE nodded vigourously in agreement. “Meeting adjourned. Jethro Tull, please sing our anthem and let’s Bungle in the Jungle.”
Jethro belts out the anthem with this variation………
Walking through jungles of high rise duplexes —
scoff at the donkeys who pay their taxes
down with the common man — bled every Friday —
We’ll eat his nuts — saving the rest for Sunday.
Cannibals and vultures who wait in the shadows —
they’re hungry and thirsty, and party at Lido’s
Let’s bungle in the jungle — well, that’s all right by me.
I’m a lizard nobody wants to love,
but I’m a snake and will always disagree.