The meeting at Bungalow 10, Warpath situated in MGPL was about to commence. There were some new faces this time. All the bunglers had been rewarded in Operation Re-bungle by getting new responsibilities assigned to them, so that they could practise their bungling talent in new departments. And some people with a known propensity for bungling had been drafted in afresh. Madam G, ice maiden as ever, looked at Alka Yagnik and nodded. The nod signalled that Alka should start with the bungle anthem of MGPL. Melodious as ever, Alka sang out these lines from a famous jingle.
Vajradanti, Vajradanti, Vicco Vajradanti
Toothpowder, toothpaste
Ayurvedic jadibootiyon se banayi gayi
Sampurna swadeshi
Toothpowder, toothpaste, Vicco Vajradanti.
“You all may have noticed that I have fired Jethro Tull after he bungled our anthem last October. Every Fundamatics reader is laughing at us because of Tull and his distortion of the ‘bungle-in-jungle’ number” Madam G said. “I have now got in Alka to sing our opening and closing anthems. You will understand the significance of the anthem soon. But let me start by asking the COE if he has called Oh-mama and congratulated him on getting elected in the estate abroad.”
COE started nodding his head vigorously.
“Can’t you wait till I press the remote?” Madam G frowned.
COE stopped nodding, but resumed immediately as soon as the remote was pressed.
“Ma’am!”, Uphill Cymbal piped in, “As the telephone operator of the estate, I dialed Oh-Mama and connected the call with the COE. But Oh-mama just said…’Hello! Hello! Who’s there? Stop making blank calls!’. And he banged the phone down.”
“Well! Well! We have a COE who does not speak. And we have an operator who is not a silent operator. Anyway, gentlemen! I must congratulate all of you on some top class bungling. You have all been rewarded with new assignments in our operation re-bungle.”
“ Ma’am!”, the operator spoke again, “I am glad that you have rewarded me by making me focus on my telephone operator’s functions. This dual responsibility of handling the estate’s power plants was getting to me. Even the bees at Fundamatics had predicted that you would reward me. Let me read out what the bees wrote in the July issue. They had said….Cymbal is trying to bungle up and he has succeeded. He is bound to be rewarded by Madam G and moved somewhere else. Someone else will come in and it will take a while before he starts to bungle….”
“Yes Ma’am! I’d like to thank you too” Salmon Cursed-it chimed in, “ I shouted Shut-Up and Get-Out and I’ll-bash-you-up at the press conference and you rewarded me by making me the estate’s travel agent. I can now go abroad and shout Shut-up and Get-out in different languages.”
Madam G raised her hand and shushed everyone into silence. “Gentlemen! I have convened this meeting to tell you that Grumblebee called me this morning. He said that the next issue of Fundamatics is going to focus on ecology, environment, and similar stuff that none of us know about. If we don’t bungle in that direction, I’m afraid we will not be featured in this issue.”
“Ma’am, I have an idea. You have put me in charge of all the newspapers and the TVs of the estate. People tell me that when they run out of manure in biogas plants, they use my speeches as a substitute. If you let me write for Fundamatics, the copies can be used as a substitute for manure of the bovine variety.” This came from Menace-Tawry.
“Oh Come on Menace! What you speak is a lot of hot air that has contributed to global warming. We need Madam G’s stare to freeze the earth back again to the ice age” Jari Rummage opined with wisdom derived from some world class faculty from his time.
Madam G spoke up again, “Gentlemen! I have given some thought to this. Our hands are soiled. Our linen is dirty though it gets washed in public everyday. But our teeth are still white and sparkling, except Shudder Jowar’s. So let’s change our toothpaste. Let’s switch to a herbal toothpaste that will sound eco-friendly and….”
“Ma’am, you’re being unfair!” Pepsodent Prefab Musterjee interrupted. “Ever since you made me Rasta Potty, people still do potty on the roads. But while I was busy playing with the rubber stamp, you changed our brand from Pepsodent to Coalgate just because this Justwell fellow told you to. Now, you want to change the brand again…”
Justwell got up from his seat agitatedly. “Ma’am! On my suggestion, you made us all switch to Coalgate in the previous issue of Fundamatics. We have been using it religiously since then. Our teeth will definitely become as black as our money and our deeds. Can you not be a bit more patient?”
“I understand your anxiety gentlemen. But let us understand that Coalgate will not get us a feature in Fundamatics. If we switched to a herbal toothpaste like Echo Vadra-danti, we will make it into Fundamatics’ special anniversary issue in December. Think about it.” Madam G advised.
The CFO P Chillum Humdrum raised his hand and said, “I second your suggestion Ma’am. I use Echo Turmeric Vanishing Cream to make files vanish from my office. That’s why, no one can find my diagrams of a spectrum. But we are all busy with our own bungling assignments. Who will bungle with this Vadra-danti toothpaste?”
“I have it all worked out” Madam G smiled. “I have roped in Raabert from villain Ajit’s gang. Earlier, I poached on his Number 1, Number 2 etc., Now, he’s left with only his Mona darling. As a matter of fact, Raabert knows how to bungle well. I asked him to do a deal with LDF (Left Democratic Front). But he went ahead and struck a deal with DLF. He’s just like any of us. So now that we have decided to patronize Echo Vadra-danti and we are assured of a place in Fundamatics, let us all rise and stand while Alka sings our closing anthem.
Alka Yagnik sang….
Vadradanti Vadradanti, Echo Vadradanti,
Coal powder, loot-in-haste
DLF imaraton se banaayi gayi
Adhi videshi, coal powder, loot-in-haste
Echo Vadradanti.
- Standing in a Queue - June 15, 2017
