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Eh? Oh!

by Bunkumbee
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I am Bankim Biswas and what I write is a lot of bunkum and wishwash. I’ve written this bumkum play. I live in the middle floor because I’m a 50-something pleated trouser, striped polyester shirt wearing “papa” of this play. Downstairs lives my 80-something father who is the dada, and upstairs is my 20-something son who calls himself a “dude” for a reason that has not percolated downstairs. Enough of the preamble and let’s now amble into the play. Curtains are moving up to the tune of “kal, aaj aur kal”.

Name of the play: Kal, Aaj aur Going Forward.

Dramatis Personae:

Dada, white-haired, 80+, pipe smoking, safari suit, reclining on an armchair.

Papa, greying at the temples, reading glasses, dressed as mentioned above, about to retire from Kirloskar Cummins, swivelling on what else?  a swivel chair.

Beta, aka Dude. 20+, earphones sticking out of ears, FBing away on his Mac, arm-chairing on a recliner, a purple T-shirt which proclaims “I scored last night” and shorts bulging with 6 pockets.

Act 1, Scene 1. (Don’t miss this. Last scene. Play ends before intermission)

Beta: Hey Gramps! I need to touch base with you. Need to bring you up to speed on what’s trending.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He wants to talk to you.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: Gramps! Like me and some other dudes want to get into a joint venture with like-minded folks and set up a consortium with mentors, clients, vendors, venture capitalists and other stakeholders including benefactors and our end-user segment.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He wants to open a partnership firm with everyone he knows.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: To explain the key takeaways from this idea, I’ve generated a collateral that I want to share with you.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He wants to show you some papers.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: We want to focus on key areas centred around development. For instance, we can bring in some value-added services in a vertical. Maybe, the healthcare sector.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: I think he wants to open a hospital.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: As a strategic measure, maybe we can start with a low-hanging fruit and tell our customer base why they need to avail of our services that could be tied up with benefits that we could outsource to specialist vendors.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He wants to tell patients that they are sick enough for him to get more doctors.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: Gramps! Just think! We think out of the box. We have skill sets that will bring about a paradigm shift, once we bring it to the table.

Dada: Eh?

We can create action items and focus on key deliverables of our mission statement that has strategic objectives and operational goals which we can benchmark against key performance indicators based on best practices that we have picked up from no-brainer websites that are not rocket science.

Papa: He thinks nobody has built a hospital till now.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: Wait! If you want, we can take this discussion offline.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He says that when you go to the loo to pee, he’ll follow you and tell you about the same hospital.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: We can create action items and focus on key deliverables of our mission statement that has strategic objectives and operational goals which we can benchmark against key performance indicators based on best practices that we have picked up from no-brainer websites that are not rocket science.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He says that he will do some work.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: In case it helps, I can google for healthcare centres and forward you their coordinates and some user ratings on the services they provide.

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He’ll show you the address of Agarwal Hospital where you’ve been going for 40 years and he’ll tell you how they check your blood sugar.

Dada: Oh?

Beta: Well Gramps! What do you think of our business plan? What are the key takeaways you want to focus on? What is the funding you will bring to the table? If you’re asked, “What’s in it for me”, what are the 3 high level points you want to focus on?

Dada: Eh?

Papa: He wants to know how much money you’ll give him.

Dada: Beta! I›ll help you if you start a real business instead of doing all this.

Beta: Eh?

Papa: Beta! Your gramps is saying that you must demonstrate something tangible in your output and position your goals correctly.

Beta: Meaning?

Papa: If you say “I want to open a medical shop and sell aspros and anacins”, your Gramps will put up the money. If you say that you want to assist the healthcare sector with retail support for the ever-expanding analgesic market, he will not chip in. He wants to know exactly what you’re doing. He wants to know what you’ll make.

Beta: What should I make? Where should I make?

Papa: Make anything. Make mosquito coils. Make aeroplane horns, make copper sulphate. You can even make sugarcane juice or ice golas that your Gramps made in Surendranagar before he educated all of us. Gramps will help you if he knows what you’re making. And remember this … you have to MAKE IN INDIA.

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