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JuNUun & RoSeS

by Bumblebee
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Once upon a time, there was a universe called JuNUun. That’s because its inhabitants wreaked their junoon on anyone who was right. In the view of the JuNUunites, right was wrong and left was right. It was a sprawling green campus, though the inhabitants were mostly red. Most colours were permitted in this universe, but saffron and khakhi were a strict no-no. The red Kanhaiahs and the evergreen kanyas that abounded in this universe were poets of sorts. They organised “cultural festivals” where they rhymed azadi with barbadi and zinda with sharminda. Famous for historians, this campus was now into geography mode. So, in this cultural event, they took to a public drawing of geography maps where Cashmere was relocated and allotted to the country on the left of Indigo. You see, these guys had their own notion of a nation and guys who did not conform to their views were anti-notional. This cultural lot was also into celebrating birthdays and deathdays. So on this all important cultural day, they danced the dance of death in memory of their Guru named Offzeal. Someone forgot to bring the cake, so they cut up the country into thousands of pieces and distributed to all the Kanhaiahs and kanyas gathered there. After all, these guys were scholars interested in securing high Marx and what better way to secure good Marx than to declare your independence and draft your own rules to live by, separate from the lowly Indigo-ians who lived just outside this exalted universe? These guys were also into abstract logic, having honed their skills by reading up Nietzsche, Kierkegard and Hegel in the JuNUun library. That’s why no one else other than them could fathom why a magistrate implicating Meaty Shah and Marauder Moody was right, but a Supreme Court convicting Offzeal Guru was wrong.

In the view of the JuNUunites, right was wrong and left was right.

Be that as it may, this cultural event was a runaway success. Its organisers ran away to a hideout while a whole lot of new fans came to this campus long after the event was over. As it turned out, Cursingwal came there because the JuNUunites has said “Jung rahegi, Jung rahegi” and Cursingwal was in no mood to let Naseeb Jung stay in the neighbourhood of this universe. Rollover Aandhi missed out on a university education and to atone for this lapse, he was now into aspiring for degrees from various universities. He started with a degree in drama and theatrics from FTII, attempted one on social engineering from IITM, tried one on anthropology and caste studies from University of Hyderabad. But the one from JuNUun would be the best. History, Geography, Political Sciences, arts, drama, sociology…this was the best one-stop-shop for all degrees that would make him erudite enough to cock a thumb at all those primitive minds who did not know the latest Oxford dictionary meaning of sedition.


But Marauder Moody and his team had a different take on nationalism and notionalism. After all, they were all trained in a Nagpur university named RoSeS. RoSeS hated red and green roses and tried to grow saffron and khakhi coloured lotuses. Wind in RoSeS blew right while wind in JuNUun blew left. RoSeS did not like the fact that JuNUunites wrongly accused them of believing in Godsepel truths. And they were Manoharwadis, not Manuwadis as accused by the JuNUunites. Something must be done to call the bluff of the cultural event. So Rajnut Singh from RoSeS sent his bad cop Bossy to go and pick up a few of these rednecks. But Bossy was bossy. And a tad lazy. Did not want to search in remote hideouts and he thought that picking the first Kanhaiah who came to sight would please Rajnut.

So while Bossy led Kanhaiah to the Pagalia House court, the lowers there had a field day. Lowers were called lowers because they indulged in all lowly acts like lying and bashing up people including presstitutes who asked them too many intellectual questions like, “Define nationalism. Why are you resorting to archaic British laws like sedition? I do not approve of the slogans, but I respect another’s right to chant them. What is wrong in an academic discussion on capital punishment? Who authorises you to be judgemental about me? If Godse, why not Afzal?” etc., Overzealous lowers from the Bar association, who wanted to bar JuNUun and Kanaiah, spoilt Rajnut’s party with their uncalled for meddling. As did Bossy. So Bossy was dispatched to go and pick the right guy…rather, the wrong guy. Guy who was wronger than Kanaiah. Some Omar non-Sharif.

Breathing fire and brimstone, she blazed into the scene like Goddess Durga and slayed dozens of demony Mahisasuras, first in the Shock Sabha with the green carpet and later in the Rosy Sabha with the red carpet.

The event was getting more popular, thanks to the bungling by the RoSeS team. But RoSeS guys were dogged fighters. They unleashed I. Smart Rani into the fray. Breathing fire and brimstone, she blazed into the scene like Goddess Durga and slayed dozens of demony Mahisasuras, first in the Shock Sabha with the green carpet and later in the Rosy Sabha with the red carpet.

Presstitutes too were playing their own game. Some pulled left and some pulled right. But they were both pulling wrong. People with closed minds were writing “open letters” to Moody. Award wapasi gang was in turmoil. They had already returned their awards and did not have another to return. It is believed that are likely to petition Moody to return the returned awards to them so that they can return them all over again in full glare of cameras.

This see-saw battle took a toll on the poor hapless Indigonians. They had bought a ticket for a different play. They wanted to watch “Development”, but the actors were playing “JuNUun&RoSeS”, sung to the tune of Guns & Roses. This is a drama that does not want to stop. But fortunately, we can exercise our right which is as precious and special as our right to freedom of speech. Best of all, this right does not have any “reasonable restrictions” attached. It is our right to walk out of this play.

I’ve already walked out. Why don’t you?

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